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عدد المساهمات : 1019
 |  موضوع: Married life between extravagance and stinginess  الإثنين ديسمبر 21, 2009 12:20 am | |
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[ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] The
following are phrases often heard from one spouse about the other: “My
husband is stingy”; “My husband does not buy me my necessities”; “My
husband gives money to his family and does not give me anything”; “My
wife exaggerates in her spending”; “My wife does not care about saving,
nor does she care how hard I work”; “My wife asks for too many things,”
and so on. It
is difficult to find a household without such problems; the husband
accuses the wife of exaggerating in her expenditure and she accuses him
of being miserly; this leads to fights and disturbs married life, and
could, in some cases, lead to divorce and the complete destruction of
the family structure. This
problem, in all cases, occurs due to the lack of understanding of the
rights that each spouse has upon the other. One of the greatest rights
of the wife upon her husband is that he provides for her, and his
spending and providing for her is considered Islamically to be one of
the best ways that he could spend in charity; this includes food,
drink, clothing, housing and anything else a wife might need to
maintain her strength and live a normal life. Allaah
informs us that it is the duty of men to provide for their wives, and
this is one of the reasons men were made superior to women, as Allaah
Says (what means): “Men are in charge of women by
[right of] what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend
[for maintenance] from their wealth…” [Quran 4: 34] There
are many evidences from the Quran, the Sunnah and the consensus of the
Muslim scholars proving that it is mandatory upon a man to provide for
his wife. In the Quran, Allaah Says (what means): “…And
upon the father is their [i.e. the mothers’] provision and their
clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with
more than his capacity…” [Quran 2: 233] There
are many narrations in the Sunnah proving the obligation upon the man
to provide for his wife, children and anyone else who lives under his
guardianship, such as: · Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullaah [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] narrated that the Prophet [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] said in his Farewell Pilgrimage: “Fear
Allaah and treat women kindly - they are like captives in your hands.
You have been entrusted with them and are able to enjoy them based on
the contract you have conducted. Their right upon you is that you
should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.” [Muslim] · `Amr Ibn Al-Ahwas Al-Jushami [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] reported that he had heard the Prophet [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] saying on his Farewell Pilgrimage, after praising and glorifying Allaah and admonishing the people: “Fear Allaah and treat
women kindly - they are like captives in your hands. If they become
rebellious in their behaviour, then do not share their beds and beat
them lightly; but if they return to obedience then you do not have
recourse to anything else against them. You have rights over your wives
and they have their rights over you. Your right is that they shall not
permit anyone you dislike to enter your home, and their right is that
you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.” [At-Tirmithi] · Mu`aawiyah Ibn Haydah [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] reported: “I asked the Messenger of Allaah [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] "What right can any wife demand of her husband?'' He [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] replied: “Give
her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not
strike her on the face, and do not revile her or separate from her
except within the house.” [Abu Daawood] Imaam Al-Khattaabi, may
Allaah have mercy upon, him said: “This proves the obligation of
spending on wives and providing clothing for them, but it should be in
accordance to the ability of the husband. The Prophet [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة]
made this mandatory whether the husband is present or travelling, and
if he is unable to, then it remains a debt on him which he must repay
whenever he returns.” · Wahb [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] said: “One of the servants of ‘Abdullaah Ibn ‘Umar [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة]
said to him (i.e., to Ibn ‘Umar): `I plan to stay here in Jerusalem for
a month.` So Ibn 'Umar enquired: `Did you leave enough to sustain your
family during your absence?` He replied: `No`, so Ibn ‘Umar [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] said: `Go back and give them what will suffice them during your absence because I heard the Prophet [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] say: “Neglecting one's own dependents is reason enough for a man to be committing a sin." [Abu Daawood] In the narration of this story found in the book of Imaam Muslim [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] the Messenger of Allaah [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] said: “It is enough sin for a person to hold back the due of one whose provision is in his hand.” · Abu Hurayrah [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] said: “I heard the Prophet [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] say: “It
is far better for you to take your rope, go to the mountains, (cut some
firewood), carry it on your back, sell it and thereby save your face
(from shame) than beg from people, regardless of whether they give to
you or refuse you. The upper hand is better than the lower one (i.e.,
the spending hand is better than the receiving hand); and begin
(charity) with those who are under your care.” It was asked: `Who are those that are under my care?' He [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] replied: “Your wife and those (others) under your guardianship.” [Muslim] Imaam Ibn Qudaamah, Imaam Ibn Al-Munthir and others [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة]
have said: “It is the consensus of the Muslim scholars that spending on
the wife is mandatory upon the husband, unless the wife is disobedient.” The
abovementioned texts prove that it is mandatory for one to provide for
his family and household and care for them. There are many prophetic
narrations indicating the virtue of spending and providing for one's
family and household, such as the narration of Abu Moosaa Al-Ansaari [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] who reported that the Messenger of Allaah [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] said: “Whenever one spends something in charity on his family, sincerely for the sake of Allaah, he will be rewarded for it” [Al-Bukhaari] Imaam Ibn Hajr [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة]
said: “Providing for and spending on one's family is mandatory even
though it is referred to as charity in the texts; the reason for it
being referred to as charity is so that people will not mistakenly
think that they will not attain reward for spending in such a way.
Allaah clarified this so that people will not spend in charity
externally until they have sufficed their own household and encouraged
them by calling it charity.” Sa`d Ibn Maalik [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] reported that Messenger of Allaah [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] said to him: “You
will not spend anything in charity for the sake of Allaah except that
you will be rewarded for it; even the morsel of food which you feed
your wife.” [Al-Bukhaari & Muslim] Abu Hurayrah [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] reported: “The Messenger of Allaah [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] said: "(of
the following types of expenditure): A Deenaar (i.e., a gold unit of
currency) which you spend in Allaah's way, or to free a slave, or as a
charity you give to a needy person, or to support your family, the one
yielding the greatest reward is that which you spend on your family." [Muslim] Ka’b Ibn ‘Ajrah [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] narrated: “The Prophet [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة]
once passed by a group of his Companions and saw one of them working
hard while the rest of them were saying: `It would have been rewarding
if this hard work was exerted for the sake of Allaah.' So the Prophet [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] remarked: “If
he has gone out of his house striving to provide for his young
children, then it is considered as for the sake of Allaah; and if he
has gone out striving to provide for his old parents, then it is
considered as for the sake of Allaah; and if he has gone out striving
in order to suffice himself from having to ask others for money, then
it is considered as for the sake of Allaah; but if he has gone out (for
the sake of) boasting and showing off to others, then it is considered
as (going out) for the sake of Satan.” [At-Tabaraani] Our righteous Salaf [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة]
understood this obligation very well and it reflected in their
statements, such as the saying of the devout Imaam ‘Abdullaah Ibn
Al-Mubaarak [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة] when he said: “Nothing can equal this in other forms of spending - even spending in Jihaad for the sake of Allaah.” On
the other hand, the wife has to realise that her husband is only
obliged to spend according to his ability and financial condition, as
Allaah Says (what means): “Let a man of wealth
spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted — let him
spend from what Allaah has given him. Allaah does not charge a soul
except [according to] what He has given it. Allaah will bring about,
after hardship, ease [i.e. relief].” [Quran 65: 7] Therefore,
she has no right to overburden her husband with difficult demands,
because this contradicts the kindness that spouses should have with
each other. Additionally, Allaah warns us against excessive spending,
saying (what means): “Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful.” [Quran 17: 27] The
wife should take into consideration the financial condition of her
husband and be conservative in her spending and demands; she should
sacrifice certain requests lest she might cause her husband emotional
anguish. Conversely,
the husband should not be stingy if Allaah provides him with wealth; he
should not deprive his wife of what other women of her social status
have of adornment, clothing and so forth, according to his ability; he
should also never remind her of what he is doing for her. The husband
should also know that financial inability can be made up for by kind
words to the wife. When Allaah mentioned kindness to kinfolks, He
highlighted how those who do not have financial ability should behave
and speak, saying (what means): “And if you [must]
turn away from them [i.e. the needy] awaiting mercy from your Lord
which you expect, then speak to them a gentle word.” [Quran 17: 28] Imaam Ibn Katheer [ندعوك للتسجيل في المنتدى أو التعريف بنفسك لمعاينة هذه الصورة]
said, commenting upon this verse: “Meaning, when one's relatives or
others whom he is commanded to support ask for help while one has
nothing to give them, then he should promise them while being kind and
gentle in tone that when Allaah provides for him, he will give to them.” Finally,
both spouses should remember that kind words and good manners make the
other forget the hardships and tight financial situation they are in,
and help them endure patiently. | |
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